So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
