Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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