boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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