I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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