halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
