Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
