found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
