do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
