Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
