I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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