my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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