I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
