Moan for me like Helen Keller
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
