Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
