did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
