what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
