I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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