That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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