oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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