i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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