Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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