Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
