Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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