i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
