i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
