"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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