and i looked up. we had an audience...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
