just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
