I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
