My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
