wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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