i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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