Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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