He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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