somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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