I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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