I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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