Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
