Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
