THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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