Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
