Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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