if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My ass is underappreciated
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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