My room smells like vodka and shame
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
