I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
