if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
