Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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