i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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