He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
