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Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
