hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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