i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
