Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
