I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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