Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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