nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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