now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
