can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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