Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
