One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
