Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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