Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
These tits shall not be calmed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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