my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
