Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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