it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
