well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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