Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
