Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
