Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
