I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
