1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
